Are You Ready to Purchase a New Car?

By: Mark Philip Lichtenstein

6 Min Quiz

Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

Wheels! Gotta have 'em! You want a new car, obviously. Maybe you even need one. Still, can you afford it? Are you responsible enough? Do you have what it takes to purchase a new car? Are you ready? Let's find out!

Do you have a driver's license?

Of course.

Yes, though I had to take the test a few times.
Yes, but a couple more fines and I lose it.

A license to drive? What is this? A police state?

Do you have any points on your license, tickets, violations, etc.?

I'm clean.

Okay, so I was ticketed for speeding one time. Fine.
A few tickets a year.

I just burn them! Then they are gone!

How much insurance do you plan to get for your new car?

Everything

Collision, breakdown, and theft
Collision and theft

Wait, you need insurance?

How do you buy computers?

I sort out which parts are cheaper to buy separately, and install them myself.

I do the whole build myself.
I buy the most powerful machine within my budget.

I'm buying the new Apple! It's sooooooo cool, you guyzzzzzzz!

How do you buy phones?

When my contract runs out, if the phone is getting old, I get a new one.

I get the new one when the old one stops working.
I get the new one when the new one has been out long enough to know it works well, without bugs.

I get the new one as soon as it comes out! It's new! Newer is better!

How tall are you?

I'm an NBA player.

I'm about average.
I'm not a big person.

I'm tiny.

How overweight are you?

I'm a bit overweight.

I'm about average.
I'm slim.

I'm a skeleton.

Did you put a case on your phone?

No. I just don't drop it.

Yes. I protect my investment.
Yes, and it has broken.

No, and my phone is always cracked.

How many times have you dropped your phone?

Once. I'm careful.

A few times a week.
Every day, at least once.

I often throw my phone when I am frustrated.

Do you ever fall asleep at your desk?

No

Once I was pulling an all-nighter and it happened.
About once a week

Every day

As a percentage of your annual income, how much would a car cost you?

Outright? A third.

In instalments, about a third.
Gosh...half?

I don't know how much I make in a year.

Could you commute by public transport?

No

It'd be a pain.
It wouldn't be fun.

I work from home.

Do you plan on buying aftermarket parts even though your car is new?

No. That is idiotic. I'm smarter than a team of engineers? Really?

Not unless there's a real problem.
Yeah! Gimme some hood scoop and spoiler action.

I'm gonna modify the ECU, swap out the spark plugs, the brakes, the body work, the side skirts, the seats, the works!

Assuming you were buying a new hatchback, what kind would you buy?

Golf-R

Audi A1
Honda Civil Type-R

Ford Focus RS

Assuming you were buying a new SUV, what kind would you buy?

A Volvo XC90. I'm no fool.

A Jeep Grand Cherokee Diesel. Torque FTW.
A Mercedes GLS AMG!

A Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT!

Assuming you were buying a sports car (you're not, by the way) and money were no object for the price of the car and only that, what kind would you buy?

A Mercedes SL

A Subaru BRZ
A Porsche 911 GTRS

A Bugatti Veyron Super Sport!

Do you watch Top Gear?

It's amusing.

It's fun if you're a car person.
It's instructional.

I'm starting a religion around the worship of Jeremy Clarkson.

Do you think burnouts are cool?

What's a burnout?

They're silly. They just destroy your tires, expensively.
They're really fun!

They're the coolest thing ever!

What's your credit score?

700

650
300

2?

Do you currently owe a bank a loan?

No

I have a mortgage.
I'm still paying off my old car loan.

No bank would loan me money!

Do you currently owe money to a credit card?

No. I pay it off every month.

I keep a couple hundred on one to push up my credit rating. I pay more than the minimum, and I could pay it all off, I just don't.
Yeah. It's hard to pay it off.

I owe so much money. I owe all the money.

How many credit cards do you have right now?

Two

Three
Five

Five under my name, five under my parents' name. Five are technically my dead grandfather's.

Are any of those cards a gold or platinum card?

I have a platinum card, sure.

I have a gold card. I get air miles.
What I lack in quality I make up for with quantity.

Are you kidding? I use payday loans.

Do you carry cash?

Yes, in a money clip. If I don't have enough cash, I'm forced to think about the purchase for a second while I reach for my wallet.

Fifties. They are the Cadillac of bills.
I got my plastic on me.

I only have cash. Credit cards? A bank account? Who do you think I am, Mr. Moneybags?

If something breaks in your house or your car, do you go for the cheapest fix, or the expensive one that will last longer?

Buy it right, and buy it once.

I'll see if I can fix it first. Might be cheaper.
I'll plan to buy the cheap one at regular intervals so it's always working.

Duct tape and WD-40, baby!

If your new car needs premium fuel, will that be what you buy?

Yes. Anything less will hurt the engine.

Mostly. Sometimes it just means for best performance you should use premium.
Pfft. Premium is stupid; just a way for people to make money on dumb people.

Premium is just gasoline with frozen orange juice concentrate added. That's what I'll do.

What is the difference between the different brands of gasoline?

There isn't one. They are fungible.

There are some detergents in them that help clean your engine a bit.
Shell is totally better than BP.

Exxon is cool man! It's XX-treme!

How long do you plan to keep your new car?

Ten years or so

As long as it lasts
I'll keep adding aftermarket parts until the only remaining original part is the chassis, 50 years from now.

Until the new one comes out.

What kind of drivetrain are you looking for?

Plug in hybrid

Something fuel efficient, and either RWD or AWD
A train? Why would I want a train I want a fast machine that'll get me chicks, brah!

RWD, naturally aspirated, at least 400 BHP.

Do you care about the environment?

Yes.

A bit. I recycle.
Who cares? The world ain't ending in my lifetime.

There's nothing like the smell of napalm in the morning.

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