How Much of a Grease Monkey Are You?

By: Zoe Samuel

5 Min Quiz

Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

Some people need to hire a mechanic if they need so much as an oil change. Others can roll up their sleeves and get greasy even if the engine has fallen out of the car. Which are you?

Can you check the oil?

It's a breeze.

I can swing that, with most vehicles.
If I have the manual.

No

Can you change the oil?

Is the Pope Catholic?

It's messy, but I can do it.
I might be able to, with the right instructions.

No

Do you know how to tell if a tire needs more air?

Of course I do.

It depends on the vehicle.
I think I might.

I don't.

Do you mind getting dirty?

Not even a little. I love dirt!

It depends on what I'm wearing.
I'm not a big fan of it.

I don't like it.

Can you remove a spark plug?

I can remove it, clean the socket, and replace it.

Sure can! I might even be able to replace it.
With instructions, I could take one out, probably.

No way

Do you know what horsepower is?

A unit of power equal to 550 foot-pounds per second, or alternatively, 745.7 watts.

It's the amount of power coming from the engine before it hits the wheels.
It's the way you measure power in an engine.

It's a thing that has to do with cars, I know that.

Do you love systems?

I love a well-designed system.

I like systems.
I'm okay with systems, as sometimes they are confusing.

I hate systems.

Do you love to work with your hands?

It's the best thing in the world.

It's fun.
It's a pain.

I hate it.

Do you appreciate lubricant?

You gotta lube it up!

It's a good idea to grease the wheels.
I keep oil and water separate.

I don't like to work with it.

Do you feel emotionally attached to your clothes?

No, they're just clothes.

Not really
I feel somewhat attached to certain items I don't wear while wrenching.

Yes

Do you like lying on the ground for long hours?

I love it.

I like it.
I'm okay with it.

I hate it.

Can you restrain the urge to take advantage of people's ignorance?

I sure can.

Sometimes I cannot resist it.
I frequently do just that.

I can never restrain my urge to take advantage of people's ignorance.

Do you believe in being close enough to be practical?

The perfect is the enemy of the good.

Most of the time, yeah.
Not really

Not at all

How old did you first change a tire?

I was 16.

I was 25.
I was 40.

I've never changed a tire.

Could you do bodywork if you had to?

Sure, I can panel-bash with the best of them.

If I needed to, I could try.
I might be able to, with instructions.

Nope, no way.

Do you know when someone is trying to rip you off?

With regard to car parts? Sure.

Most of the time, yeah.
Sometimes I do.

I'm always getting ripped off.

Do you look good in an apron?

I could walk the catwalk in one.

I look fine in one.
I think I look like a cook in one.

I look like an idiot in one.

Do you own a good sturdy visor?

I have three, all custom painted.

I have one, and it is cherished.
No, but I have safety goggles.

No, I'm just careful.

How organized is your toolkit?

It's like a Dewey Decimal drawer in a library.

I know where everything goes.
It's not too hard to find things.

It's a complete disaster.

Do you feel the need, the need for speed?

Always

Whenever I clean the grease of my hands.
I just want to get where I'm going safely.

Nah

How do you feel about the electric vehicle revolution?

Sad, but in the end still something I can modify.

Tragically it's outside my ken.
It means there will be little I can still do to a car.

It's great! I won't need to work on cars anymore.

Can you read a map?

Very well, thanks. It's a bit of a lost art.

Better than most people
With a few minutes to sort of get my bearings.

No, but I can just about get by with Google maps.

Who do you admire?

Karl Benz

James Watts
Elon Musk

That dude from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Could you make it as an electrician?

Possibly

Maybe, with some training
I'd need a lot of schooling in the subject.

Nope

Do you name all your cars?

Excuse me, Edith and The Thunder named themselves.

Yes, of course, so they feel inspired to do their best for me.
No, but I let my kid do it if they want.

No, that's silly.

When you get a new gadget, do you immediately invalidate the warranty somehow?

I nearly always modify it somehow.

Frequently
Every once in a while

Never

Do your friends expect you to help them with their vehicles?

All the time

Sadly, quite a lot
Not often

Never

How much money do your auto skills save your household every year?

Thousands of dollars

Hundreds of dollars
Dozens of dollars

A couple bucks

How do you feel about your car?

It is my baby.

It is my safe space.
It's my car, am I meant to feel something else about it?

It's how I go from A to B.

If all vehicles were automated tomorrow, would you still insist on your kid learning to drive?

Yes, of course

Probably
If they wanted to.

No, it won't be legal for a human to drive by the time they're grown up.

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