Which 2017 Crossover Is Right For You?

By: Mark Philip Lichtenstein

6 Min Quiz

Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

Crossovers are the new cars. Americans prefer them to traditional sedans and station wagons, and it is likely you may have been considering one yourself. With an embarrassment of riches when it comes to choice, this can be a daunting proposition. Don't sweat it. This quiz will help you decide.

If you had a sedan, which one would you own?

A Ford Pinto

A Subaru Legacy
A Toyota Avalon

A Fisker Karma

If you needed a bug out vehicle, which would you buy?

A BMX

A Jeep Renegade Trailhawk
A Knight XV

A Mercedes E-Class Estate

If you rode a bicycle, which one would it be?

BMX

Trek Antelope
Bianchi Campione D'Italia

Bike Friday Pocket Rocket

You have to get from Los Angeles to Chicago. Which mode of transportation do you take?

I'd bum a ride.

Dune buggy
I'd book a private suite in a train.

I'd fly, and hate it.

What's your driving music?

I can't afford a radio!

Boston's "More Than A Feeling"
Jay Z

Led Zeppelin

What is your most common reason for driving?

Work

Picking things up from Home Depot
Showing off my expensive car

The school run

Do you take long road trips?

God no. Gas is expensive.

Yes, and I want to be able to tackle anything.
No, I fly.

Yes, with the family

How much do you have to spend?

I work at Trader Joe's, so, nothing.

Normally I'd say $30,000, but with my Christmas bonus coming, the sky is the limit!
$63,000, and I don't want to spend a penny more!

$70,000 or so.

Do you care about the safety of your family?

I don't have a family.

I'll keep them safe with my F1 level driving skill!
My exes can take care of themselves.

I cherish them more than anything.

Assuming you have one, do you care about the safety of your dog?

If it gets a cold, I can't take it to the vet.

It'll be fine in the back.
I pay someone for that.

I would buy a special harness for them if it would keep them safer in the car.

Do you need performance?

Gosh no.

Of course.
I require it.

Having it would be nice.

Which is more important to you, safety or performance?

Those both sound really pricey.

Performance. POWER!!!!
I try not to think about that. Performance? No! Safety. No! Performance. Aigh!

Safety, because I'm not an idiot.

What do you consider off-roading?

My crappy driveway

Summitting Pikes Peak
Driving on Third Avenue in Manhattan

Driving through the Black Forest

Do you know the difference between horsepower and torque?

Is torque like expensive horsepower?

Torque is important for off-roading, and horsepower is good for going faster.
Horsepower impresses my dates, and torque bores them.

Torque is the rate of leverage, horsepower is the amount of force.

Do you know what a differential is?

Is it the gap between what I can afford and what something costs?

It's the thing that allows wheels to spin at different speeds, depending on traction and turning.
It's the rate of growth in my stock portfolio.

It is the system that drives the wheels of a vehicle.

Do you care about the environment?

A bit. I can only do so much.

I care that I can conquer it!
If the polar bears want more ice, they can pull themselves up by their bootstraps!

I must save the world!

Do you like being taken care of?

Nope, I'm fine.

I can take care of myself! Unless I'm going down a steep hill. Then, help!
I must be taken care of like the Earl of Grantham!

If you're going to do something for me, either do it to the best possible extent, or don't do it at all.

Does it matter if the leather is real?

No. Cheaper to replace.

As long as it's easy to clean, I don't mind.
It must be real! I want a cow's face visible in my leather.

The leather isn't the point. How does it feel?

Do you care much about the interior trim?

Nope. Eyes on the road.

If it wipes clean, then yes.
It must be made of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

I want clean lines and renewable materials.

Do you plan on traveling with a lot of people?

Maybe one or two.

I have a family, so yes.
I like to impress dates by going for a drive.

I have the average-size family.

Are you tall?

No, but if I were, I'd cut my legs off for the right bargain.

Yes, and I love always having the best seat in the movie theater.
No, and I have a Napoleonic Complex.

Yes. My family is Dutch.

Are you overweight?

No. I can't afford that much food.

Yes, because it's my right, because freedom!
My trainer says I'm big boned.

A little. The average adult puts on one pound a year and I'm not special.

How good are you with technology?

I can handle it.

I'm good if it's straightforward.
My spouse will figure it out and explain it to me.

Intuitive technology isn't hard to grasp.

Do you prefer touch screens or knobs and buttons?

I like a mix.

Give me a knob or a button.
What looks the most expensive?

A well-designed touch screen is fine as long as there are still controls on the steering wheel.

What country do you think makes the best cars?

South Korea

'Murica!
The Land Of The Rising Sun

Europe isn't a country, but even their Fords are better than the ones from the USA.

How many large shopping bags would you need to fit in the back of your crossover?

I can't afford to fill one large shopping bag, let alone several.

Seven
Are we talking Whole Foods or Zegna?

I have my groceries delivered. It saves time.

Do you mind body roll?

Nope

A little keeps it comfortable
I don't mind a hard ride so long as there is no body roll.

Body roll isn't the enemy unless it makes the vehicle unsafe.

Do you prefer proper names for vehicles, or alphabet soup names?

I like aspirational proper names.

I like manly names, like "The Nuke" or "The Firestar".
The more confusing the letters, the more expensive the car sounds.

I don't mind the name so long as it signifies the vehicles ability, displacement, or place in the model range.

What taxi service do you use?

I hitchhike.

I just stick my arm in the air.
I use Uber.

I use Via.

When you fly, do you use a membership, or do you use sites like Priceline?

I cross check Priceline, Expedia, and Kayak.

If I can find a deal on Expedia, I'll take it as long as it's part of the One World Alliance.
I have a private jet.

I always fly with the same airline.

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