Which Back Road Adventure Should You Take in Your Truck?

By: Mark Lichtenstein

6 Min Quiz

Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

Every American, truck owner or not, has a fantasy of the great, bootstrapping, individualist adventure they will take their truck on. We fantasize about hopping in the pickup and facing the great outdoors like the rugged explorers we imagine ourselves to be. The question is, which back road adventure is right for you?

Assuming you don't have a truck, what would you love to do on a weekend, as a treat to yourself?

Play some video games

Do some geocaching
Read about cool places on Wikipedia

Visit the library

If you owned a truck, how important would its power be to you?

Power corrupts, and I am absolutely corrupt.

I like power, but only if I can actually use it.
Power should be worn lightly and used sparingly.

Power is stupid and pointless.

If you owned a truck, how important would its off-road capability be to you?

Not very, but it's cool.

4WD and ground clearance is all I care about.
If I wanted off-road capability, I'd get a Jeep.

Can it drive to a camp site?

If you owned a truck, how important would its overall sportiness be to you?

That is literally all I care about.

Insofar as it makes the truck get where it needs to go.
If I wanted sportiness, I'd get a Corvette.

Sportiness means paying for premium fuel, right?

If you owned a truck, how important would its mileage be to you?

All I want to do with a truck is turn money into explosions into speed.

If it keeps me alive, I'll take it.
Fuel economy means more driving and less standing around filling up.

That's all I care about.

Do you like cold weather?

It improves performance. Yes.

Yeah! It's a test of my hardiness.
Sometimes, but you gotta hit the beach some days.

Down is expensive! Give me a summer day any day.

Do you like to see lots of sites when you travel, or do you prefer to focus on one or two?

You only "go to" one place.

When you go someplace cool, you are bound to see lots of things.
Seeing lots of things is the whole point of travel.

Just get me there and home without breaking the bank. I care not for sightseeing.

How competitive are you?

It consumes me.

I must be the best, if not the first.
For myself? Not very. For my country? Absolutely.

I will be the cheapest person you've ever met!

How much do you love America?

USA #1!

I'm 100% 'Murican!
I do, and so does my family.

So much I want to keep as many pictures of Presidents in my wallet as possible, and not trade them away.

Are you cheap?

If it saves weight, I'll be cheap.

Experiences are worth more than money.
No, but I don't want to spend money like an idiot.

Cheap is my middle name.

Do you want to see nature?

If it's blurry.

If it's mind-blowing.
Why else would you go on a trip like this?

As long as it doesn't cost an arm and a leg.

Do you not mind so much what you see so long as it goes past at high speed?

All I need to see is the road.

I want to go as fast as possible.
You've got to stop and smell the roses, but when there are no roses, go as fast as possible.

I'll sacrifice speed for economy.

Do you want to travel in extreme comfort?

Nope. Rip out everything you can to save weight.

There's a fine line between comfort and not being killed by your environment.
Obviously. I'm an American. It's what we do.

Oh gosh. I can't afford that.

Is it the journey or the destination that matters to you?

The journey is the only exciting part.

The journey is fun, but the destination is an achievement.
The journey is all there is.

I just want it to be over.

After your victory in your truck, how would you celebrate?

Enjoying the view

Taking photos of myself
Sending a postcard to mom

Packing up and going home

What is your favorite celebratory drink?

Milk!

Champagne. It's the only celebratory drink.
A nice beer at the end of the day.

Two buck chuck.

What is your favorite food?

Anything high in iron. I don't like altitude sickness.

Hamburger
The Grand Slam Breakfast

Ramen noodle soup

Does the phrase "opposite lock" hold any meaning to you?

Of course! It means using oversteer to make a vehicle go around a corner without losing momentum.

Not for driving a truck it doesn't.
Yeah, it's unsafe insanity.

It's when I lock the passenger side door.

What are you taking with you on your back-roads trip?

Spare fuel, tires, oil, and a clean shoe to drink out of.

Enough gear to survive on the moon.
Snacks, tablets, swimming trunks, some nice clothes, and I'm leaving the sports-team gear at home. Some folks don't like my team, outside the area I'm from.

A tent, some hot dogs, and RC Cola.

What do you think the roots of Nascar are?

Rum-running!

Drinking, obviously.
Someone had a sports car and someone else looked at it and said "Nice car!"

Didn't some beer company invent it as a billboard?

What do you think they call pickups in Australia?

"Yutes"

"Peak-erp Lorries"
If you write "PICKUP TRUCK" upside down it looks like "R)NKL bNR)Ib".

Don't they just call them pickups?

In what state would you buy your pick truck?

Texas sells the most powerful engines.

Texas sells the best off-road machines.
Texas sells the most luxurious trucks.

Where is the biggest sale?

Other than your pickup truck, what's your dream daily driver?

A Lancia Stratos. Yeah, it's not practical, but it's a blast.

A Tesla Model S. Those things are amazing.
A Mercedes S-class coupe. What a smooth machine.

A Toyota Camry. It's so cheap to maintain, I love it.

What really frightens you?

Looking down from a great height.

Being stranded and alone.
Being stuck someplace where I don't know anyone.

Being devoured by a bear.

Who would you bring with you on your back-roads trip?

My badass bestie who can go on Space Mountain after eating a burrito without getting sick.

My colleague, who knows how to keep his cool under pressure.
My spouse, who I can spend all day with and not get bored.

My kids, who need to spend some time away from WiFi.

What kind of pet would you have?

A faithful Labrador

A fuzzy Golden Retriever
A loving ferret

A loving and faithful goldfish

Do you know how to do maintenance on your vehicle?

Yeah, and I can tune it up.

I can fix anything with duct tape and WD-40.
I have AAA on speed dial.

Nope. My partner may, but I'm useless.

What's your budget?

I'll budget so I can do the fun stuff, and be cheap on the less fun stuff.

I'm rich!
A few grand.

Let me check between the couch cushions.

Do you have shame?

Yes. I can't be seen looking silly.

Yes, but when it comes to survival, we do as we must.
Yes. If I'm going to pick up the kids from school, I can't be seen in a Beetle.

No. I do what must be done and if people don't think I'm cool, I don't care.

How rough and ready are you?

When it comes to driving, I'm all set. As to the outdoors stuff, I'm helpless.

I can do it all. I can drive, survive, and look good doing it.
I'm good at driving, but I need a hotel to sleep in. I'm not an animal.

Roughing it is my hobby.

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