Which Muscle Car Should You Test Drive?

By: Mark Lichtenstein

5 Min Quiz

Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

Whether you are a man having his mid-life crisis or a teenage girl with too much parental indulgence, driving a muscle car is the dream. Of course, first you have to take it for a test drive. Which muscle car would be right for you then?

Do you mind what people think of you?

I want people to think I'm cool

No
I want them to hate me

I don't want people to think at all of me

Do you fear aging?

Yes, very much

No, I get better as I age
I am immortal

No more than anything else

Do you like to show off your money?

A bit, as I kept a nice chunk of change from the divorce

Yes, but in a discreet way
Only if it makes me faster

No

How practical are you?

Somewhat practical, as I have simple needs

Very practical, but a little impracticality is fun
I'm totally impractical

I'm deeply practical

Are you all torque and no trousers?

Only a bit

Not at all
What does that even mean?

Nope

How insecure are you?

Very

I'm secure
I'm like a teenage boy

I have nothing to prove

Are you actually planning to buy the car?

Yes

In all likelihood, though I might just go for an SUV
If I can afford it, yes. If I can't, yes.

If I can find the right one

Who else will travel with you?

My new girlfriend, who is half my age

My golfing buddies
My totally hot girlfriend. She's in Canada right now.

My family

What sort of work environment are you in?

I'm a day trader

I run an investment bank
I'm in middle school

I'm a contractor

How loud do you want it?

I want it to be able to be loud, but also to be able to be shut up.

I want a button that makes it loud when I want it, and another to make it louder when I want.
I want it to set off car alarms as I drive past.

I want a nice growl that cannot be turned off.

Who do you want to anger with your car?

My ex-wives

The proletariat
My math teacher, Mr. Harrison. He drives a Subaru.

My boss.

What is the purpose of a muscle car?

Flexing

Power on straights
Noise

Speed

Have you had plastic surgery?

Yes, how did you know?

A touch of plastic surgery
No, I'm just a kid!

No

How many marriages have you had?

More than two, but it's still a prime number

Just one
I'm too young to be married

I'm separated

Do you imagine you will probably die alone?

Yes (sob)

No
I will die in a ball of fire with my girlfriend watching

I hope not

Do you have hair plugs?

One or sixty

Not yet
What are hair plugs?

No way

Are you test driving the car ironically or for real?

Oh, for real

I'd like this or something like it
I want it so bad!

Sort of ironically

Do you actually know what a muscle car is?

Sure, it's a... car with like, more than 300 horsepower

Yes, it's a normal car with lots of extra power
It's a fast car that shows the world what a big man I am

It's car with more power than needed

What kind of shoes do you wear behind the wheel?

Wing tips

Golfing shoes
Driving shoes

Whatever shoes I'm wearing for the day

Do you already own clothing with a car maker's logo on it?

No, don't be silly

No, since they don't make ties with little logos on them
Yeah bro! I have GTR underpants!

I have one I was given at work

What sport do you watch on the weekend?

Football

Golf
MMA

Baseball

Which car movie is your favorite?

Cannonball Run

Vanishing Point
Fast Five

Duel

Which classic car appeals to you?

Boss Mustang

AMG Hammer
1970s Dodge Charger

BMW e36

Do you plan on daily driving this thing?

Why not?

Absolutely
No, because I take the bus to school

Yeah, it's gonna be my only car

What car do you own right now?

BMW 5 series

Mercedes E class
None

Ford F-150

If money were no object, what stupid expensive car would you buy?

A Jag E-Type restomod

A McLaren P1
A Bugatti Veyron

A Cadillac ATS-V

What is your favorite superhero?

Captain America

Superman
Iron Man

The Punisher

What option is a must have for your car?

Pointless vents

HUD
Spoiler

Four doors

What paint scheme will you want for your car?

Lipstick red

Crystal White Tricoat
Color shift

Black or blue; subdued

Be honest. Are you just sort of a jerk?

If you ask my ex-wives

If you ask my caddy
If you ask my classmates

Not really

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