Which Top Gear Host Are You, Based on Your Auto Opinions?

By: Zoe Samuel

6 Min Quiz

Image: BBC

About This Quiz

You may not realize it, but "Top Gear" has been around several decades. It was canceled in the 1990s and brought back in the early 2000s as what is sometimes called "New Top Gear," which is the format the world is now familiar with. The show became a benchmark in automotive programming, stretching the reality show genre and the consumer product review genre, combining the two and creating something completely unique. The hosts changed over the years, and at one point the entire cast left the show, but the core idea of the show remains as it was. In fact, "Top Gear" spin-offs remain in countries all over the world.

Every host of "Top Gear" has had strong opinions. That is their job. What is interesting about the show, and gives it much of its chemistry, is that no two hosts feel quite the same way about the same things. In this way, we can all identify a bit with different hosts, but never completely with any of them.

... or can we? After quite a lot of time watching old episodes, we put together a new quiz, specifically designed to tease out which "Top Gear" host you are, based on your thoughts on the wonderful machines prowling our roadways. It's time to stream the song, Christine, because this week: you start this quiz ... we get your strongest opinions ... and tell you which "Top Gear" host you really are!

What is the defining trait of the Porsche brand?

Lack of imagination

A whiff of midlife crisis
A consistent look

The perfection of an inherently flawed form

What is the best value sports car ever?

Chevrolet Corvette

Mazda Miata
Ford Mustang (4-cylinder)

Porsche Cayman

How would you finish the sentence "American muscle cars are _______________"?

Fat, wallowing messes.

Exciting, dangerous, and addictive.
The most fun you can have in a straight line.

A throwback to a time, that puts a smile on my face.

What is the worst car available for purchase today?

The base model Porsche 911, because it makes you look old, isn't that great, and will constantly remind you that you couldn't afford the 911 Turbo.

The BMW 7 series, because it is absurdly expensive, and yet symbolizes everything that sits outside of BMW's wheelhouse.
The C63 AMG. The only place an AMG motor belongs inside of is a Pagani.

The Ferrari FXX K. It's a multi-million dollar sports car you can neither legally drive on the road, nor will Ferrari let you keep in your home; they will simply deliver it to the track for you, then take it away.

Where does the future of motoring lie?

Liquid hydrocarbon, made with the Fischer-Tropsch reaction

Lithium-ion batteries
Solid state batteries

Hydrogen fuel cells

If you had to cross the Sahara from west to east, what vehicle would you want for the ride?

A Toyota Hilux

An H1 Hummer
A Mercedes-Benz G-Wagon

An Ariel Nomad

Which small, current, German four-door is the best?

Mercedes-Benz C-class

VW Arteon
BMW 3-series

Audi A4

If you lived in a place with roads too narrow for regular cars, what would you use to get around?

A Peel P50

A BMW Isetta
A City El

A Sebring-Vanguard CitiCar

If forced to ride a motorcycle, which one would you deign to accept?

I don't care. Put me out of my misery.

A Honda CBR
A Harley Davidson Fatboy

A Triumph Speed Triple 750, which gives you a break on insurance because of the smaller engine, and is more collectible because of its rarity.

What was the worst car ever made?

VW Beetle

Pontiac Aztek
AMC Gremlin

Horsey Horseless

When did Ferrari go wrong?

In the early 1980s, when it forgot that Ferraris should be pretty.

In the mid-2000s, with the F430, when Ferraris became so computerized, that the challenge went out of driving them.
After the Dino, it was all downhill.

With the LaFerrari, which was Ferrari saying that the fastest Ferrari should only be attainable by the super wealthy, who, let's face it, probably lack the reflexes to drive it, because to have enough money for it you need to be old.

What don't you like about cars from Japan?

If I put my seat into a comfortable driving position, the B-pillar blocks my peripheral vision, so I have to hunch over the wheel.

Frankly, they aren't very pretty.
They're too clinical. There's no drama.

There are too many electronic nannies, and there's no sense that the car wants to kill you.

What is the best sport-sedan available right now?

Cadillac CTS-V

Mercedes-Benz E63 AMG S
Alpina B3

Audi RS4

How much horsepower can you reasonably use on the road?

350

400
600

300

Why is the Cadillac CTS V-Sport tuned so it only accelerates quickly when it's already going at highway speeds?

Because a focus group ruined it

Because it's designed for highway overtaking, not tracks
Because Cadillac didn't want it to take too many buyers away from the CTS-V

Because that's how most people will use it

Who makes the best SUVs?

Land Rover

Volvo
Jeep

Mercedes-Benz

If you could only own one category of car, what would it be?

An estate car (translation: station wagon)

A sport sedan
A hot hatchback

A 911

What is the best car Ford ever made?

The GT

The Mustang
The F-150

The Ka

What GM product makes you smile the most?

The Chevrolet SS

GMC Yukon Denali
The Pontiac Trans Am

The Cadillac Escalade

What is the signature Fiat owner experience?

The trim coming off the body

The dash coming apart
The seatbelt fabric fraying

The infotainment system driving you nuts

If you could curse your most hated enemy with having to drive one car for the rest of their lives, which of these would it be?

Opel Cadet

Aston Martin Lagonda
Jaguar X-Type

AMC Gremlin

Which of these is the best "British roadster"?

Jaguar E-Type

Fiat 124 Spider Abarth
Wiesmann MF3

Morgan Plus 4

What non-Italian car is the most Italian?

The Spyker C8 Preliator

The BMW Z4, because it is so pretty
The Pontiac GTO. It's all in the name.

The Cadillac CT6-V because it has the magnetic ride control that Ferrari licenses from GM for all their cars

Which car would you take on a traditional grand tour of Europe?

An Aston Martin DBS

A Lamborghini Miura
A Ferrari California

A Lexus LFA

Which American car would be best for a road trip across the USA?

A Chrysler 300, because it's so comfortable.

A Dodge Dart, to save on gas.
A Ford Mustang, because it's not just a muscle car, it's a sports car.

A Chevrolet Suburban, because there's nothing more American than a giant, terrible SUV.

Which car would you want if you had to go on a covert mission in Russia?

A Mercedes-Benz G-Wagon, because it can be armored, and it blends in.

A VW Golf because it's safe, dependable, and can fit all the satellite telecom equipment I might need.
A Lada Kalina, for my cover as a local boy.

A "Renault" (Dacia, really) Duster because it's great, cheap, and it won't look out of place.

What kind of minivan would make the best armored, amphibious troop transport?

The Tesla Model X. It's cutting edge in every way, and the doors would give the troops cover from satellite cameras and the elements when they got out.

The Dodge Caravan. It's a classic.
The Toyota Sienna. Toyota = tough.

The Honda Odyssey. Say what you will, Hondas are rock solid.

What small alteration would make the most boring executive sedans more fun to drive?

A bigger air intake for more horsepower

Skinny tires. You don't go as fast, but you feel like you're going faster.
Racing slicks, to make driving in the dry feel like being in a race

A sun roof. It's not too much to ask in this day and age.

In which of these cars would you feel least safe?

The Suzuki Samurai, once named the least safe car in the world and almost single-handedly responsible for the hysteria over SUV rollovers in the 1990s.

The Kia Rio. It killed 149 occupants in the USA in 2014.
The Nissan Leaf. Not only does it score a "poor" on small overlap tests, but it also contains a lithium-ion battery which, after being punctured in an accident, will burn for days and days, and kill anyone who tries to put it out with water.

The Ford Mustang. Not only does it get a terrible crash test rating, but it's also specifically designed to be driven in an unsafe manner!

What car would you daily drive?

VW GTI

BMW 335i
Range Rover Sport

Porsche 911 Turbo

6 Minute Quiz 6 Min

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